Happy Ice Day! So, for any who weren’t aware, I’ve been living in Kansas City for a while. Yep, lotsa driving. Anyway, one of my bigger pet peeves about living down here has been the absolute terrified reaction when the weather isn’t at least 65 degrees. If there’s even the smallest threat of a few snowflakes the schools, churches, etc. are boarded up and there’s a palpable “wait ’til spring comes” attitude toward resuming classes, church activities, and even Meals on friggin’ Wheels! Seriously, people! Don’t the people who need Meals on Wheels need it even more when the weather is bad?!
Cut to Tuesday morning. Schools were, of course, closed yesterday in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. It was a balmy 40 degrees yesterday — beautiful. Well, Chicken Little, there was a brief rain shower overnight before the temperature dropped back below freezing. So what do we see on the morning news? You guessed it! A never-ending crawl at the bottom of the screen with a list of all the schools, churches, Meals on Wheels (again!), and you-name-it that will be closed due to treacherous road conditions. In Minnesota, showing such cowardice after a few chilly sprinkles is enough to get you laughed out of your ice fishing hut. In Canada, it’s cause to tie you to the goal posts and shoot frozen pucks at your nether regions.
Hello, ironic twist! Just when it’s starting to look like they’ve closed every school twice (just to be on the safe side) the regular local news is interrupted by breaking news to bring us a high-speed car chase. “But, Geno,” you ask, “what about the life-threatening conditions on the icy roads?” Well, cautious reader, thankfully there are helicopters to bring us clear views of all the safe, dry streets. Now, I’m not going to pretend that some of the side streets weren’t a little slick. But as long as drivers – most of them, anyway – aren’t fleeing the police they’ll be just fine.
This chase goes on for almost 15 minutes as the driver weaves in and out of traffic in a car that we learn was obtained in a car-jacking. Fortunately, there is no damage or injury in what will ultimately be a trip to the local McDonald’s. Something compels the car to stop. I could speculate as to whether it was the new oatmeal that Ronald is offering or maybe it was something as simple as a good old strawberry milkshake, but we see a young urban troubadour exit the vehicle and run inside the restaurant. Another XL man in 4XL clothes is summarily escorted out of the building by at least a dozen cops and a couple of service dogs.
Martin Luther King, Jr. would be so proud.